Why do we torture ourselves?--April 11th from Air's Blog

Why Do We Torture Ourselves?

Too many lately have been talking to me about their problems,
wants, needs, etc and no doing what is obvious is in their hearts. (I'm not just
talking to you Mandy although you need to as well!) I won't name anymore names
but people need to give in to what they know they want and what they know they
should do. I used to want things soo bad but would always just decide not to go
for it, or would be afraid. I still do actually but not as much. Even something
as simple as asking a question in class that I needed the answer to I used to
not ask. I guess that has more to do with being shy but why suffer with your
hand down when you want to know something. I used to think that people would
think my question would be stupid or that I would be. I remember that changed in
grade 5 one day when no one would ask how my teacher got the answer to some math
question when it was obvious no one knew how the heck she had gotten the answer.
She said that "the person that asks a question is an idiot for a moment; the
person that never asks questions will be an idiot their whole lives" That
changed my outlook on the situation. Ok, so thats a really cheesy example
wanting something but still, if you want something, go for it. I think most of
us have found out that life is too short to spend time wanting something and not
trying to get it. Ok I don't mean liking a person and stalking them or wanting
money and stealing it. I mean by not being lazy and just forgetting about
something because it is too hard or too much effort, or even thinking that you
don't deserve it. If your dying for some chocolate but are watching your weight,
eat a reasonable amount and do something active you've been wanting to do like
dusting off your bike and finally going for a ride.The same goes for telling
someone how you really feel about them. Or keeping something from a friend that
your conscience is nagging you about. Why torture yourself? Tell them! I'm
pretty much being a hypocrite because I am so bad at telling people stuff but
I'm working on it and so should you! Finally getting the courage to say
something to someone can take a huge weight off your shoulders...like
apologizing or trying to set things right. I'm starting to ramble but I guess
I'm going to take my own advice and stop torturing myself. Those people that
have come to me with wanting something but not going for it should take the
advice to...(*you'll have fun - you know you will* *who cares what anyone else
thinks about him - its your choice* *a friendship isn't something that should be
disposable, so don't let it* *wondering isn't the same as knowing so just go for
it*) hopefully I was subtle enought but not too subtle for my friends to know
what I mean by those. Seriously, "never give up on the things that make you
smile".

My Response: Answer to why we (we = I) torture oursleves, is becuase we feel like nothing else can be done and that its last resort to just let whatever is inside us eat us alive. And I feel that if I try to do something to fix any of my issues that it will bite me back in my ass. And I've got to admit that it leaves quite a bad scarring. Also it really does suck always having to put the first foot out there into a situation, I just really don't wnat to be the one to start it up, I wish that the other person would just take a chance for once. Like if I knew for sure if the other person wanted what I wanted, there would be no seoncd thoughts. But that just adds to it, I'm afraid of rejection or of what could possibly be said or what could possibly happen. I'm afraid of those chances and that's why I "torture" myself. I'm scared shitless I what could possibly happen.

By the way don't read the post below if you want to keep ur sanity Air and Anne and anyone else who values their sanity