Helena

My Chemical ROmance's song Helena. Such a emo-punkish song that kinda of captivates you...somehow. Anyways I had an okay wekend. Besides finding out that I more of a loser than Im actually am, mainly focusing on the failure aspect. I know what's best for me yet I cant do anything to help myelf. Want to be a bartender or waitress, something bar/club oriented and second want to be doing something along the lines of advertising and designing. I think I have an idea of what I want to do. And teachers, co-workers have been totally supportive of telling me of telling me to do what I like or I'll regreat it. I'm also going to take some art classes to improve my skill. I hope travelling will help inspre me and make me a bit more open minded and creative. I think I'll do okay in this life.

With love and encouragement of course.

Canadian Mosiac

Today was Canadian Mosiac. Had lots of fun. Mr Lacy was there, David Santamaria, and Patrick. There were also other returnees but meh. David promise to get me a hat like his. He was wondering how we kept seeing each other ever so often, but at least we know I'm gonna get my hat. Um as for Patrick tried my best to ignore him, I really can't deal with him anymore, it pisses me off. Still like him, but don't like partically being ignored, so I decide to return the favour. Pamela got all bitchy and was like, "well I got bitchy cuz I was talking to someone." I was like sheesh sorry. And she was like were you jelous that I was talking to Patrick? And I was like No, why would I be? She was like I thought you were still going after him. And I'm like No. Then she looks at Matt and says is he your boyfriend? And I'm like no he's my friend. She's like you guys should go out, you look good together. Me like thanks Pam O.O I also met Sheila's boyfriend Dylan and met Katie's "friend" Mike. Both very cool. Talked to Pat's bro for the first time, he was prettty cool. Reminded me of Pat *shiver*.

Anyways back to the pavilion, I enjoyed my time Kareoking, dancing, two cups of coffee, using chopsticks, saying hi to everyone, get my apology (finally) and talking to many ppl. It was great doing Kareoke. As a group of about 8 we got a score of 95%. We did stand be me, dream on, Brown eyed girl, shaun paul song and so on. Ran into Stephanie.W, who showed me stuff for the other cons (anime). Im preparing myself for the worst (incase of guys in particular). Had ice cream from French Pavilion. Hanged w/ Matt.R, erin.O, sTEPh B. I had lots of fun.

It was a day of big mixes with emotions, bouncing btw happiness and upsety-ish mood. Overall I had fun

Naruto

Ah, Naruto is effing awesome. I'm now at episode 19. The series so far is making me feel exactly what the characters are feeling. If the moment is sad, I'm sad to. Overly hyper, so am I. Its just such a great series. I'm fucking loving it.

Oh another thing I'm loving is My Chemical Romance, song Helena, well their whole album is pretty fucking good. Anyways those are my rants and now for me to go to bed.

The Day

Today I would have gone ot Niagara Falls, if it wasn't for my dad. Like I just want to enjoy myself and go on the trips before I graduate. (By the way- Silouttes by SMILE eMPTY Soul. Kinda talks about relations between kids and their parents, its sad) I'm still looking at school sorta narrowed it down. All I need to see how many years my programs are incase I need to enrol in another school. Oh and I had my first guitar ensemble practice today. More like lets-see-if-we-can-all-play-still session. Meh well tommorrow I have non-uniform day and a test. So tired

Everything that happened today...

Ok the things that happened or I thought about today:

1. I thought to myself, out of all the people who could have possibly died, why Kristina? WHy not someone who didnt deserve to live, like Sheila. Ruining her life and helping others along the way. Should have died instead of Kristina.
2. Dylan today on the bus started to talk to me. Then I decided to ask, " DIn it ever cross you mind to apologize?" He's like, " yes it actually did especially at the times when we talked like on Friday. But I was afraid you were going to be mad. And also I have to plan a way to say it." And I'm like ok. SO I'm waiting for my apology from Dylan, which Im expecting. If I can get back together with one of my friends, maybe something good might happen later again
3. So tired of thinking of you-know-who. He hurts my head, but good half is that I dont think about hi, so much anymore because I have so many other problems that I just naturally started to think of him less. Took a while eh?
4. One of the adult customer's I had,had an eyebrow ring. It looked way awesomly cool. I was like wow that's so cool, the first adult I've seen with an eyebrow ring. He was probably aroung 25-ish and he respond, "Oh, no!" I'm an adult now!" He's one of my idols, for being a cool adult (w/ perciengs)

Thursday

Today is the beginning of my day work period. Then back to resting. I'm taking off the next Thursday and Saturday and then the Saturday after that. They've been working me like a dog, after April, I'm going to request every other Saturday Off. I'm just to tired to do so much. I also have a set of fees to pay next week; for music trip, Eurotrip and Course Selections. My dad is also being an ass this week, which doesnt help let me tell you that.

But anyways I'm enjoying my classes, even if I don't get what's going on most of the time! Media arts and Physics are the best. I'm so excited for all my upcoming trips. No money to save anymore, but my mom said she'd open up a building block for me, which is apparently some type of investment for students.

My week overall has consisted of many flops, mainly my fault for poor judegment, but what can I do...I'm me. Oh and my said that I can hand in an application for a part-time position at the bank, for later this year. They pay $11 an hour. Cool eh!

Ah the latest thing I'm screwing up on is my grade 12 course selections. If I want to go to university I have to have six U OR M courses which I only selected 3! So I have to take two night schools next year and I have to go to summer school!

so much too worry about! Blah!

Driving

Oh and I signed up for the Driving Challenge at school. Which starts like in a week and a half, so I've got to start reviewing. And I want my dad to start teaching me to drive again, but he's being a complete bitch about it. Such a major pain in the ass, damnit. But I hope I do good in the challenge!

More Consistant

I guess I should write down whats going on more often so I wont, conbust or something. Yeah, well I have this weird hiccup thing goinh on every few hours which is pissing me off. Besides that I think my day is ok. I'm just really pissed that my work keeps scheduling me for two or three weekend days straight, which is really a pain in the ass. Another thing that is a pain in the ass is the constant bother my dad is. No you cant do this because of low academic standards, fuck you! Anyways for grade 12 I'm taking whatever I want to take and I'm applying for whatever school I want. I sick of people wasting my time choosing, what are suppose to be my options, for me. I also have a shit load of fees to pay off and so on, so this whole paycheck is a lost cause. And I'm taking the next two Saturdays off...just becuase, well one is to go see Tom in Oshawa and the other meh my mom's idea. I'm just so wiped, ahhhh

Why The High Expectations

Whats with the high expectations for kids, nowadays. Its a pain in the ass. I would love to be samrt ass like others but i know reality, I'm not a genius and I wont ever be. I'm a creative person with creative outlets. I don't like the act that my dad is forcing it apon me to get 80% and higher, when I just can concieve taht under certain reasons. I really dont like the fact my privaleges are beimg taken away becuase im just cant make a cut that my dad set up for me. I'm happy with a 78% average, I'm close enough. I'm not like a stoner or a mega loser, he should just leave me alone.

Two Days Of Freedom

Yep...so my two days of freedom turned out to be expectionally well. I watched movies w/ John Baker and Erin. I later went and got a book from Chapters and ate Arby's courtsey of my dad. Today I went down the street w/ Erin to visit Natasha and to go shopping. I accidently forgot my gloves at her house and we ran into Rosa and her friend Cody. Cody is part of (or was part of) the super snob group (the Black gr 10ers) and she turns out to be nice. I ran into a person that I have met, named Mike, before but we couldn't figure out where we've seen each other. One of my future missions is to figure that out. And then got Timmi's and caught a bus, w/ Erin and Cody. Erin had no change,but bus driver was nice. And then I realized on the bus home that I forgot I killed my pants and have to go get new ones...on the weekend...or tommorrow. So for school tommorrow I have to borrow pants. And I also got to talk to Tom on the phone for the first time and I had a funny quirky convers w/ Kyle. The super paranoid geeky boy he is! And I got a new belt, Moist's 2nd cd, and a new bathing suit, which my chest doesnt look like it wants to fit in it, thank goodness that its stopped growing....i think